omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
