I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
