the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Let the clothes fall where they may.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
