Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
