Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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