i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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