I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
