I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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