I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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