I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
