Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
