I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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