Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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