Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
