What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
You left your phone here
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