So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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