my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
