Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
My vagina is officially offended.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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