I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
