You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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