Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
