in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
we're so committed to being not committed
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
