Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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