worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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