great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
