Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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