Plan B is the new Plan A
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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