dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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