and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
did i walk over a car last night?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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