are you still at the devil's house?
her vagine was all disorganized.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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