Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
