she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize