Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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