I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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