No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
