apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
