i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
