shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
