You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
