I think I died a long time ago.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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