i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
