i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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