dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
