no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
