please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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