I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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