After last night, I could never be a politician.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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