Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
