Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
