i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
