I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He did a backflip because drugs
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
