I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
