i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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