He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
A bitchslap is in order.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
