what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
