it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
All the doctor said was why
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
