Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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