he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
