I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
