How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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