so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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