I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
