Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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