So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
