five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
