I'd wear matching sweaters with you
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
