i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
If I die, sorry about rent.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize