Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
