PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
