The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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