i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
