sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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