dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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