I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
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