After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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