You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
