So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
