I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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