It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
