I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
