i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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